An example of me coaching someone how to say "no"

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What was bothering him:

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One of my colleagues quit. My boss says we all have to double down to handle what they were doing in addition to all the stuff we're already doing. She's putting a lot of pressure on me to work over time until a replacement can be hired. On top of that, I know that more general layoffs are going into effect a few months from now and there's a good chance I'll be out of a job. It feels so unfair that I have to work even harder to make sure I don't lose my job and then I might lose it anyway.

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How I responded:

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It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of pressure right now—balancing an increased workload, your boss's expectations, and the uncertainty of potential layoffs. It's easy to feel like you're in a no-win situation, where you're being pushed to work harder just to avoid losing your job, and even that effort might not guarantee anything. Let’s break this down into the facts and interpretations, and then I'll give you three new ways of looking at this that can empower you.

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Probable Facts:

• A colleague quit, and their responsibilities need to be covered.

• Your boss has asked you to work extra hours to handle the additional workload.

• Layoffs are expected in a few months, and you might lose your job.

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Interpretations (that may or may not be true):

• You have to work overtime to keep your job.

• It's unfair that you're being pressured into extra work.

• No matter how hard you work, it might not be enough to save your job.

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Now let’s reshape the story with some different perspectives:

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Story 1: Admiration and Appreciation for Yourself

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"I’m being faced with more responsibility at work right now, which shows that I’ve become a go-to person when things get tough. My adaptability and work ethic are really shining through here. It’s empowering to know that I can step up when needed, but I also get to set clear boundaries around my time and energy. It’s a balancing act I’m learning to master. Even with the uncertainty of layoffs, I can trust in my ability to navigate this—whatever happens, I’ve shown I’m capable, and that’s valuable whether it’s in this role or somewhere else."

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Story 2: Humor and Lightness

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"Well, my colleague’s exit has turned me into an octopus, juggling all these different tasks! It’s pretty funny when I think about how I’ve turned into some sort of office superhero, swooping in to save the day. But even superheroes take breaks, and I’ll make sure I get mine too. As for the layoffs, who knows? Maybe I’ll be the one with some extra free time on the beach if things go south. The universe has a sense of humor, and I might as well join in the laughter. I can handle what’s thrown my way, but I don’t have to take it too seriously."

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Story 3: No Big Deal, Life is Easy

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"So my colleague left, and my boss wants us to cover their work for a while. Honestly, it’s not a big deal—work will always ebb and flow. I’ll do what feels sustainable for me, and what doesn’t, I’ll leave for later. If layoffs happen, they happen. It’s actually kind of freeing to realize that I don’t have to control everything. I can just focus on the things that matter now, enjoy the process, and trust that things will work out as they’re meant to. Life has a funny way of sorting itself out when you stop trying to force it."

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In these new stories, notice that you’re the one deciding how to respond, and you’re making sure to protect your well-being. You’re not sacrificing yourself to meet the demands or expectations of your boss. Instead, you’re acknowledging your strengths, keeping things in perspective, and taking care of yourself along the way.

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