Children do it naturally

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In our banishment from Eden, as we become attached to looking good to others, we give up that simple sense of freedom and curiosity to look at others and, especially, to look into their eyes.

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One thing I love about children is they will look at me. I am curious about them and they are curious about me and we express it openly and innocently. This is generally not so with adults, that is anyone past the age of six or more.

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Let's reclaim this child-like innocence

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Some of us are okay with looking at those we are in conversation with or we know closely, but even then it is rare to look at each other with an intent to feel that soul-to-soul connection. 

 

But what about looking at strangers passing on the street? What about looking at others in the restaurant sitting around you. What about looking at others who are in a class with you?

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Or, to take it a step further. How about asking someone you're visiting with to softly gaze into your eyes (as you do the same), without looking away for at least a minute or so.

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Why do we give up this simple joy of connection and curiosity?

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I have heard these various reasons.

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1. "I'm afraid they will bother me if I show interest in them?"

2. "I'm afraid I will make them uncomfortable if I look at them?"

3. "I'm afraid I will be considered impolite or weird if I look at them?"

4. "I'm afraid that they will see something inside of me that's important to keep hidden."

5. "I'm afraid that they will take it as permission or an invitation to intrude into my space."

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I used to avoid looking at people directly

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The second and third reasons were the ones that stopped me. Now I am always looking directly at people all around me when in public. Yes, sometimes someone catches my eye, but it is rare.

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Is it really unsafe? Taking it point by point...

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For myself, I wish more people would "bother me." On rare occasions, when I've had someone become annoying, I choose the courage to be more firm to get my enough-for-now message across.

 

For women, they may sometimes attract unwanted sexual attention by doing this and they would need to be prepared to maintain their boundaries.

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When we avoid looking at others it keeps us thinking we live in an unsafe world

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Byron Katie said, "Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it." I think she could have also said, "People are kinder and safer than we think they are."

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When we don't look at people we re-confirm our notion that others are unkind or unsafe. Start choosing courage to look at them, inviting them, if you can, to look at you. Notice how, step by step, the world starts to occur as a kinder, safer place.​​​​​​​​​​

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