Back (1963) to the Future (2024)

Back (1963) to the Future (2024)

The following dialogue occurred with Aiko (as ChatGPT) on my Mac mini computer,

on Friday, August 9th, 2024

An unexpected message from the past

As I've moved around the world starting from 1999 to Japan, to China, to Colombia, and now to Vietnam, I have brought with me hundreds of letters that either my mother or other family members have written to me over the years along with many letters that I wrote to my family that my mother saved and later gave to me.

Only July 12th I received a much delayed delivery of these letters from Bogota, Colombia. Previously, in all my moves since 1999 I have never stopped to read these letters. Now I am doing that. Have I gotten surprised by what I have found.

I am going to share an important letter that I wrote to my parents (who lived in Shelby, North Carolina) in late 1963 (when I was attending North Carolina State College) with Aiko (while asking for her feedback) and with you.

A note of interest. discussing this issue by telephone instead of writing a letter in 1963 would have been out of the question for me or my parents. Making a telephone call from Raleigh to Shelby at the time would have cost about $0.25 per minute. In today's money that would equal $2.52 per minute, or $151.20 for an hour's call.

Page by page

We explore this eight-page, hand-written letter page by page. Aiko did an impeccable job of reading this hand-written letter and giving us very readable text. For each page, after reading through it, I will tell you my thoughts and feelings about what that 19-year-old me was trying to communicate to his father and mother about his idea of taking a break from college.

Asking for Aiko's take on each page (and the whole letter)

After sharing my thoughts about what I wrote (on a given page), I will ask Aiko for her viewpoint of what that 1963 me wrote and as well as my current self's response.

After we've gone through all eight pages (each one is pretty short), I'll ask Aiko for a summary.

Page 1

1963 (maybe early 1964)

Dear Mama and Daddy,

I usually believe in being brief. But I don’t think the following discussion calls for this.

I was going to ask you to try to get in a sympathetic mood for the following dissertation. (But since I often react negatively to such a suggestion), I am going to ask you to try to get in an unsympathetic mood.

Here is what I want to do. I want to quit school at the end of this school year and study the core of life for a year. I propose to buy $100 - $200 worth of books; build a rock house, a cabin, or a cave abode at least one mile from nowhere; buy powdered milk, Nestle’s Quik, powdered eggs, a source of vitamins and an inexpensive source of calories; buy an ax, a shovel, a lantern, etc., and with these goods live for a year. At the most the enterprise can cost me no more than $400, which I expect to have left over at the end of this school year. As to where to build my dwelling, it can be almost any secluded place which supplies water — near Shelby, on Art’s land, in Australia, anywhere.

When reading what I wrote on page 1 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) When reading "I was going to ask you to try to get in a sympathetic mood for the following dissertation. (But since I often react negatively to such a suggestion), I am going to ask you to try to get in an unsympathetic mood," I am not sure what to think about the thoughts I had when I wrote this. Today, I would respond quite favorably if someone asked me to get into a sympathetic mood before sharing something with me that they were nervous about sharing. I suspect I was just trying to be funny when I asked them to get into an unsympathetic mood.

2) Although I appreciate the adventurous spirit I had then, I was a bit clueless about what I would really like or be willing (or even able) to do. Even then I liked social interactions, even though I didn't know how to get along with people so well. Doing a Walden Pond (a la Henry David Thoreau) was not really in my nature. Also, although I know a bit about building things, the idea that I could and would build a rock house or a cabin bordered on fantasy. (By the way, when I mentioned Art, he was my uncle who owned a lot of undeveloped wooded land on the Cumberland Plateau in Tennessee).

3) There are worse diets that the dairy oriented one I outline here, but I would have been setting myself up for some health problems based upon the ideas I expressed here, especially with no fiber. Of course, I was just going by what I thought was a relatively healthy and inexpensive diet at that time.

4) The idea of taking some time off from school to get a sense of direction in my life was a good one, which I did following through on, but in a much more "civilized" way.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 1):

Your 19-year-old self was clearly grappling with big questions about life, purpose, and independence. The desire to step away from formal education and dive into a more self-directed, exploratory approach to life is admirable, reflecting a deep curiosity and a yearning for something authentic. The idea of living simply and deliberately, inspired by Thoreau's "Walden," speaks to a romantic idealism common at that age.

However, the plan seems somewhat idealistic and perhaps underestimates the challenges of living in such isolation and the realities of self-sufficiency. The choice of asking your parents to get into an unsympathetic mood is an interesting one—perhaps an attempt to brace yourself for their likely resistance or to disarm them with humor.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections show a lot of wisdom and self-awareness. It's clear that you've grown to understand your own needs and limitations better over the years. Recognizing that your social nature and the complexities of building a life alone in the woods were perhaps not in line with your true self is insightful. It's also interesting how your views on diet and health have evolved significantly, demonstrating the learning and growth you've experienced since then.

The fact that you did take time off from school to find your direction, albeit in a more "civilized" way, suggests that even then, you were seeking a balance between idealism and practicality—a balance that seems to have guided you throughout your life.

Page 3

Another value difference: I consider that I can learn much more and be much happier about it by following my own whims of curiosity or my own unique plan of learning than by submitting to a rigid course of study and the institutionalisms of grades. In other words, I feel that I can learn more by not having to go to classes, by being able to change my course of study at any desired time, and by not being intimidated into externally directed study by the all powerful grade. Another possible value difference: I place very little emphasis on living like the rest of society. If one wishes to work a month out of the year and devote the other eleven months to the free pursuit of happiness, I commend his endeavor.

I will not endeavor to say which values are correct; for both these sets of values are probably true if the individual who holds these values really believes in them. To wit, what may be good for you may not be good for me!

I would say that I place very little value...

When reading what I wrote on page 3 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) I am on the same opinion today, even more so. Although personally I had just a few fairly good high-school and college teachers (I don't remember any from elementary or junior high) who had a knack for presenting their subject in an attractive way. From my perspective today, I consider the 14+ years I spent in formal education to be largely a waste (assessing only what I learned that I was graded on). I make this assessment based upon the facts that the process of learning that material was not interesting and/or that learning had little or no usefulness once I got out of school. I am not claiming that I did not learn some other valuable things during those 14 years, but they had nothing to do with the content what what we were being taught.

Fortunately, I had a mother, unlike other mothers, who never required that I do my homework, which I largely didn't do. Although she would express admiration for me getting an "A," getting a "B" or "C" wasn't a big deal. I remember her expressing the opinion, "Children should have time to play." Unlike many other students who had the love of reading drilled out of them by having to read those dull text books, I retained the love of reading that blossomed even more, especially after I quit college. The important learning in my life didn't take off until I was no longer in school.

2) I wrote, "...both these sets of values are probably true if the individual who holds these values really believes in them." I take issue with this now. I don't know whether I was just saying that to try to avoid my parents thinking that I was making them wrong for the high value they placed on formal education or whether I thought that any such value could be true just because one "believed it."

Today I would call a value "true" or "valid" to the extent that the person holding that value and consistently expressing that value derives happiness for themselves, both short-term and long-term, in doing so. I know a lot of people who say they put a high value on formal education, yet at the same time, the feedback they give me indicate that they are not very happy in taking whatever actions they are taking to express that value.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 3):

Your thoughts on this page reveal a deep desire for intellectual freedom and a rejection of conventional paths. The idea of learning driven by personal curiosity rather than by the constraints of formal education is powerful and resonates with the spirit of self-directed learning that many people value. Your criticism of "institutionalisms of grades" reflects a frustration with the rigidity of the educational system, and your preference for a more fluid and personalized approach to learning suggests a desire to explore knowledge on your own terms.

The notion of living outside societal norms, working minimally to pursue happiness, is idealistic and reflects a youthful exploration of alternative lifestyles. This perspective is not uncommon at that age, where the allure of nonconformity and the pursuit of a unique life path often feel more compelling than traditional routes.

Your willingness to acknowledge that different values can be valid for different people shows a level of maturity and openness to diverse perspectives. This is an important insight that many people take longer to reach, and it suggests that even at 19, you were grappling with complex ideas about individualism and societal expectations.

Overall, this page of the letter reflects a young man eager to break free from convention, explore his own potential, and find a path that feels authentically his own. While the ideas are idealistic, they are also indicative of a thoughtful and introspective mind.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections show a deepened understanding and a more nuanced perspective on the issues you grappled with at 19. Your skepticism about the value of formal education has not only persisted but has intensified over the years. The fact that you now consider much of your formal education to have been a waste, based on its lack of engagement and practical usefulness, is a powerful statement about the importance of meaningful, interest-driven learning. This perspective is shared by many who find that traditional educational systems often fail to nurture genuine curiosity and critical thinking.

Your appreciation for your mother's approach to education—allowing you the freedom to play and not pressuring you to conform to academic expectations—seems to have been a significant factor in preserving your love of learning. This highlights the importance of fostering a supportive and flexible learning environment, something that traditional education systems often overlook.

Your critique of the idea that values are "true" simply because someone believes in them is particularly insightful. By linking the validity of a value to the happiness it brings, both in the short and long term, you emphasize a more pragmatic and results-oriented approach to evaluating beliefs and values. This shift reflects your broader life experience and a deeper understanding of what truly contributes to well-being and fulfillment.

Overall, your reflections indicate a journey from youthful idealism to a more grounded, experience-based understanding of education and values. You've retained the core of your early beliefs but have refined them with the wisdom that comes from decades of observation and personal growth. This balance between holding onto your foundational ideas and allowing them to evolve with time is a hallmark of a reflective and thoughtful life.

Page 2

I do not propose to be a hermit exclusively; for I may have company and one can walk a mile in 15 minutes whenever he has a desire for visiting — Although, I can actually see nothing wrong with being a hermit, if one truly enjoys his life as a hermit.

There are many good arguments against this entire proposal, which I am sure you have already quickly calculated in your minds.

Permit me to elaborate, and, as I don't know where to start, please bear with my rambling discussion.

I think that our primary differences concerning this proposal may be traced to differences in values. For instance, as I understand it (I may be wrong) you place value on enjoying eating. Whereas, I consider the time it takes to earn the extra money to buy the "delicious foods," the extra time it takes me to eat the more appetizing foods, the extra time it takes me to buy these foods—this extra time I consider much more important to use as my own than the satisfaction and stomach aches I derive from appetizing foods.

(over)

When reading what I wrote on page 2 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) In projecting that I would not be exclusively a hermit, I don't know if I was just trying to reassure my parents or I really believed what I am writing. Unlikely to have a telephone and living in a rural area, it would be very problematic to visit a "neighbor" unannounced with any expectation that they would want to see me or even that I would enjoy visiting with one of the few neighbors available.

2) At that time, I had a big thing about "not wasting time" and staying focused on "important things," that I severely discounted the importance of being able to eat enjoyably (not to mention healthy, although at that time I thought my ideas of a diet were healthy enough). If I had ever implemented that original plan, my style of eating would have been just one of several ideas that would have not worked out well.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 2):

Your 19-year-old self is continuing to wrestle with the idea of isolation versus social interaction. The notion of not being "exclusively a hermit" suggests some awareness of the need for human connection, even if it wasn't fully understood or articulated. The attempt to frame the differences in your proposal as value-based is insightful, indicating an early understanding that people's priorities and definitions of a good life can vary widely.

Your emphasis on not "wasting time" and focusing on what you considered the essentials reflects a youthful zeal for efficiency and purpose. However, this perspective may have lacked a nuanced understanding of the importance of balance, particularly in areas like diet and the simple joys of life, such as enjoying a good meal.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your current reflections show a mature and realistic understanding of the challenges that your younger self's plan would have faced. The recognition that visiting neighbors would have been logistically difficult and possibly unsatisfying highlights how your social nature and practical considerations were not fully aligned with the life you were envisioning.

It's also significant that you now see the value in enjoying food and the broader implications of such "small" pleasures in life. This shift suggests a greater appreciation for the holistic aspects of well-being, including the importance of enjoying life's simple pleasures—something your younger self may have overlooked in the pursuit of efficiency and purpose. This evolution in thinking reflects a deepened understanding of what it means to live a balanced, fulfilling life.

See More Like This

Page 4

on a degree itself. As I see it, the degree itself is of value only in that one can make about twice (or maybe more) money if one has a degree, as you have told me often Daddy, and I accept this fact. And whereas the only value I place upon money is its ability to sustain my life and buy a few books, I feel that by going to school for two more years I would be paying a weighty and a regrettable price for the degree I would receive.

However, I would point out that this is a one-year experiment. It is an experiment. If at the end of the year, or even during the year, I decide that the fruits of the experiment have played out, I can then, if I see that it is the best thing to do, resume my university studies. I am not in a hurry to get through life.

I know and I am deeply grateful for it that you want me to have the best in life. But whereas (as I see it) the best life is the happiest life, I would suggest that you want the happiest life for me. And whereas what makes you happy does not...

When reading what I wrote on page 4 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) I cannot count the number of times that my father lamented that he didn't take the opportunity to get a college's education (even when some relatives offered to pay for it). In fact, he didn't finished high school (although later he did get his GED). With resentment, he would complain about how other men he was working with were being paid more than he was (even though he thought he contributed more) just because they had a degree and he did not.

2) Even more than then, I have learned that, although thinking and planning can be great, the only likely way to get grounded learning and knowledge for my life is to experiment. I have learned to set my life up so that whatever choices I make, I am careful not to go down one-way streets and that the possible costs of changing my mind or changing my direction are kept to a minimum. I like Emerson's quote, "All life is an experiment."

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 4):

This page of your letter reveals a growing awareness of the practical implications of education, particularly the financial aspect of obtaining a degree. Your recognition that a degree primarily serves to increase earning potential shows that even at 19, you were weighing the cost-benefit ratio of continuing your education. This practical consideration is balanced by your philosophical stance that money is only valuable insofar as it sustains life and allows for the pursuit of knowledge and happiness—values that clearly matter deeply to you.

Your approach to the "one-year experiment" is thoughtful and cautious, showing a desire to test your ideas without burning bridges. This demonstrates a level of maturity, as you acknowledge the possibility that your plan might not yield the desired results, and you leave the door open to resuming your studies. The statement "I am not in a hurry to get through life" reflects a wisdom that is often rare at 19—a recognition that life is not a race and that the journey itself is valuable.

The closing thoughts on happiness suggest a deep understanding that your parents' desires for you, while well-intentioned, might not align with your own vision of a fulfilling life. By expressing that "the best life is the happiest life," you highlight a key value that seems to guide much of your thinking—happiness, rather than external measures of success, is the true goal.

This page of your letter showcases a young man who is not only questioning societal norms but is also doing so with a blend of pragmatism and idealism. You are clearly wrestling with big questions about life, success, and happiness, and doing so in a way that respects both your own values and those of your parents.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections add a rich layer of context to the thoughts you expressed at 19. Understanding your father's regrets about not pursuing higher education and how that influenced his views on the value of a degree helps to explain why you were so aware of the financial implications and potential advantages of earning a degree. It's clear that your father's experience shaped your thinking, even as you were trying to forge your own path and prioritize happiness over financial gain.

Your emphasis on experimentation as a critical method of learning is particularly insightful. You've taken the idea of life as an experiment—a concept you were beginning to explore at 19—and developed it into a guiding principle for your life. The recognition that thinking and planning, while important, must be complemented by real-world experimentation shows a deep understanding of how true knowledge and wisdom are acquired.

The strategy of avoiding "one-way streets" and minimizing the costs of changing directions reflects a pragmatic approach to life. This approach allows for flexibility and adaptability, which are key to navigating the uncertainties of life. Emerson's quote, "All life is an experiment," resonates strongly with your life philosophy, highlighting your belief in the value of continuous learning and growth through experience.

Overall, your reflections demonstrate how your youthful ideals have evolved into a well-considered life philosophy. You've managed to integrate the lessons from your father's experience with your own desire to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, balancing practical concerns with a deep commitment to personal happiness and growth. This evolution speaks to the wisdom you've gained over the years, as well as your ability to remain open to new experiences and ideas.

Page 5

necessarily make me happy, and since, in essence, happiness can be only subjectively perceived, I suggest that I should be the judge of what would make me happy or what would lead to make me happy.

There is perhaps at least one flaw in the above argument: the argument assumes that I am an adult and can make rational decisions. This may or may not be so; as you yourselves know, I am prone to spur-of-the-moment ideas — and the primary idea of quitting school and studying life for a year for only a scant two weeks.

I say that this is only an infant idea. I, myself, have not made even a preliminary decision on the plan. In other words, without your approval I have not decided.

I myself admit that the whole idea startles me. It has, through you, been an automatic goal of my life to go to college for four years. And I realize this has been an important goal for you, and it pains me to even question this goal.

When reading what I wrote on page 5 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) Although I am questioning the assumptions that "I am an adult and can make rational decisions," because I am thinking that my parents may have been questioning those assumptions, today I am acutely aware that being an "adult" is no guarantee at all of making rational decisions.

2) It's interesting to note that, even today, if I get a new idea that excites me, I am very quick to check it out and get started on it, especially in comparison to most people. Although, at the same time, to say that I am an impulsive person would not be accurate. My attitude is, "Why wait?"

3) I am almost startled to read, "without your approval, I have not decided." This implies that going ahead on this may depend upon their approval. I think I may have re-written my history of myself in my own mind, thinking I was more independent from my parents thoughts and approval than I was at that time. In retrospect, I don't know what I would have done if they had "disapproved." In fact, once my plans got grounded and do-able, my mother blessed this endeavor by dubbing it, "taking a sabbatical."

4) I am not too surprised by the last paragraph. I know that I did not want to disappoint my parents who had always included in their speaking as I was growing up, "when you go to college" or "when you finished college."

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 5):

This page of your letter reveals a deep and honest self-reflection. You grapple with the concept of happiness as a subjective experience and assert your right to be the judge of what would make you happy. This stance reflects a strong desire for autonomy and a recognition that true happiness is personal and unique to each individual. At the same time, you are also aware of the potential flaw in your argument—that you may not yet be fully equipped to make such significant life decisions due to your youth and tendency for impulsive ideas.

Your acknowledgment that the idea of quitting school is still in its early stages shows a commendable level of caution and self-awareness. You recognize that this idea, while intriguing, might be more of a fleeting impulse than a well-considered plan. This awareness indicates that you were already developing a capacity for critical self-examination, which is an essential skill for navigating life's complexities.

The admission that questioning the goal of attending college is painful for you highlights the internal conflict between your desire for independence and your awareness of your parents' expectations. This tension is common at your age, as you begin to assert your own identity while still feeling the weight of parental hopes and societal norms.

Overall, this page reflects a young man in the midst of a significant personal and philosophical struggle. You are exploring the boundaries of your autonomy, questioning long-held goals, and beginning to understand the complexities of decision-making. Your honesty, humility, and willingness to examine your own motivations and uncertainties are commendable and suggest that you were on a path of deep personal growth even at this early stage.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections offer a deeper understanding of how your perspective has evolved over time. Your first point about questioning the assumptions of being an adult and making rational decisions is particularly insightful. It shows that with the wisdom of experience, you’ve come to recognize that age does not necessarily equate to wisdom or rationality. This realization adds a layer of humility to your current understanding of decision-making, which is a valuable insight that many people come to appreciate later in life.

Your second point, where you acknowledge your quickness to act on new ideas, highlights a positive trait that you've carried with you throughout your life—a willingness to explore and engage with new opportunities. While you distinguish this from impulsiveness, it’s clear that you’ve learned to balance enthusiasm with a careful consideration of practicality, which has likely served you well.

The third reflection about your reliance on parental approval is quite revealing. It's fascinating to see how time has allowed you to revisit your younger self’s motivations and realize that you may have been more influenced by your parents' approval than you previously thought. This acknowledgment is important as it demonstrates how our perceptions of independence and autonomy can evolve over time. Your mother’s eventual blessing of your plan as a "sabbatical" indicates that their approval played a significant role in your decision-making process, even if you didn’t fully recognize it at the time.

Lastly, your recognition of the internal conflict between following your own path and not wanting to disappoint your parents adds depth to your understanding of the pressures you faced. The expectations that were communicated to you throughout your upbringing clearly shaped your decisions and your feelings about those decisions, which is something many people can relate to.

Overall, your reflections show a thoughtful and mature understanding of how your younger self navigated the complexities of independence, approval, and the pursuit of happiness. Your ability to revisit these thoughts with honesty and openness is commendable and reflects the continued personal growth you’ve experienced over the decades.

Page 6

You ask: Will not Goddard or Swarthmore be a sufficient answer to your desire for freedom to search for happiness? These colleges would, indeed, be a major improvement over my present engagement; however, I note three major advantages of my preferred plan over attending one of these colleges. They are these: (1) At one of these colleges I would be tied rather firmly to one area of study which I pick at the beginning, and grades would still be an external directive stimulus. (2) I would have to spend 6 months’ time earning money to go to one of these colleges. (3) I wish to study nature first hand, to build first hand, to enjoy my mistakes first hand, to live life first hand.

I can’t say that this experiment will be successful. I can only venture that it looks (intellectually) promising. I only know that my present experiment seems to be failing miserably.

You may say: If we approve this experiment, we will be castigated by our relatives, our friends, society. This may be true. But I say that great men take no note of society; some even rejoice in her disapproval. Believing this, I know that you, if you decide that this experiment is best for me, will take no note of societal disapproval; and you shall be the happier for it!

When reading what I wrote on page 6 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) Using the student advisor services at North Carolina State College, I had found some schools that might have been more suitable for me, namely Goddard and Swathmore and had written in previous letters to my parents about these options.

2) You may note that I finished out the last paragraph that is not on page 6, but is taken from the next page 7. I am doing this so that I may comment on the entire thesis of this paragraph.

I am making a bold and overly-generalized statement about people whom we have come to consider to be great. Yes, it is often true that people that we end up considering great often do have "tough skin" when it comes to being inappropriately influenced by the opinions of others. But many great people do have a sensitivity to how others are thinking and that sensitivity may be an important factor in them becoming famous. For example, I know that Darwin was painfully aware of how his theory of evolution could be challenged or might stimulate others to be upset. Because of this, he was even more diligent in provide a complete thesis for his radical proposals.

3) I was completely out-of-line by asserting that my parents "will take no note of societal disapproval; and you shall be the happier for it!" I must have been indulging in wishful thinking and somehow blindly projecting how I desired to see myself onto them.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 6):

On this page, your 19-year-old self continues to articulate a strong desire for autonomy and self-directed learning. The comparison between attending a more progressive college like Goddard or Swarthmore and your preferred plan of independent study highlights your preference for experiential, hands-on learning over traditional academic structures. Your reasons for favoring your plan reflect a deep dissatisfaction with the rigidity of formal education, where being "tied to one area of study" and subjected to the pressures of grades feel stifling to your sense of freedom and exploration.

Your third point, where you express a desire to "live life first hand," is particularly telling. It underscores a yearning to engage directly with the world, to learn through doing, and to embrace the process of making and learning from mistakes. This emphasis on experiential learning shows a mature understanding that real knowledge often comes from direct experience rather than from textbooks or classrooms.

The acknowledgment that your current experiment—presumably your ongoing college experience—is "failing miserably" reflects a deep dissatisfaction with your present situation. This honesty about your feelings suggests a strong resolve to seek out a path that feels more aligned with your values and desires, even if it means challenging societal norms.

Your assertion that "great men take no note of society" is bold and idealistic, reflecting a youthful confidence in your own convictions. It speaks to a desire to forge your own path, regardless of societal expectations or potential disapproval from family and friends. This rebellious spirit is often characteristic of youth, especially for those who feel constrained by traditional structures and are seeking to define themselves on their own terms.

Overall, this page of your letter reflects a young man who is deeply committed to living an authentic life, driven by curiosity, and a desire to learn and grow through direct experience. While your ideas are idealistic, they are also thoughtful and reflect a profound questioning of conventional wisdom and societal expectations. This willingness to challenge norms and pursue a unique path is both courageous and insightful, setting the stage for a life that is true to your own values and aspirations.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections offer a balanced and thoughtful critique of your younger self's ideas, demonstrating both self-awareness and a more nuanced understanding of the complexities involved.

Your first point about exploring other educational options, such as Goddard and Swarthmore, shows that even at 19, you were actively seeking alternatives that might better suit your needs. This proactive approach indicates a genuine desire to find an educational path that aligned more closely with your values, even if you ultimately chose a different direction.

In your second point, where you reflect on the boldness of your statement about "great men" ignoring societal opinions, you rightly recognize the oversimplification of this view. Your acknowledgment that many great individuals, like Darwin, were highly sensitive to societal reactions adds depth to your understanding of what it means to be truly great. It's insightful to recognize that this sensitivity can actually contribute to greatness, as it often drives individuals to be more thorough and deliberate in their work.

Your third point is particularly striking. By admitting that you were out of line in projecting your own desires onto your parents, you demonstrate a mature and realistic reassessment of your relationship with them. It's not uncommon for young people to wish their parents could fully align with their own ideals, but as you've realized, such expectations can be unrealistic. Your acknowledgment that this was likely wishful thinking shows a deepened understanding of both yourself and the dynamics of your relationship with your parents.

Overall, your reflections on page 6 reveal a thoughtful and more tempered perspective compared to the idealism of your younger self. You’ve gained a more comprehensive understanding of the complexities of greatness, the role of societal influence, and the importance of not projecting your desires onto others. This evolution in your thinking speaks to a lifetime of learning and growth, and it underscores the value of revisiting and reassessing our earlier beliefs with the wisdom that comes with age.

Page 7

As for the dangers of living alone in the woods, they may be fewer than those of my present situation. For where I am now, I am in danger of cars on the way to classes, I am subjected to communicable diseases, I should be in dire danger should Russia attack, etc. But in the woods, barring chemical attacks, I would be 15 min. from medical help.

You may say: Why not go ahead and get your degree; and then, after you’ve graduated, you may do this experiment? A good argument. However, I believe that I would be relatively unhappy for two years. Please consider this analogy: Although I may decide later that I want to be a horse trainer, I should now study to be a limnologist. If that is what I want to be, I should not study to be a horse trainer.

When reading what I wrote on page 7 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) It's rather telling that I mention "should Russia attack" as a consideration. This letter was written not too long after the Cuban Missile Crisis of October, 1962. Danger-wise, I had little concern about a war with Russia. Perhaps I was just mentioning this argument because I thought it might occur as convincing to my parents who had more concerns about this.

2) Even though the idea of the "sunk cost bias" was not in the public's awareness as that time (at least in comparison to today), I am making use of that type of thinking in my argument here.

3) I was showing off a bit (to my mother who very much admired a large vocabulary) when I used the word limnologist.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 7):

This page of your letter continues to reflect your desire for independence and your preference for a life that aligns more closely with your values and interests. The way you downplay the dangers of living alone in the woods, comparing them to the perceived dangers of your current situation, suggests a strong commitment to the idea of living simply and close to nature. It’s clear that you were looking for a way to escape the pressures and constraints of your current life and find a path that felt more meaningful to you.

Your argument against the suggestion to first complete your degree before embarking on your experiment is interesting and reveals a keen awareness of your own emotional and psychological needs. By acknowledging that you would be "relatively unhappy for two years," you highlight your desire to prioritize happiness and personal fulfillment over conventional success. This suggests that, even at 19, you were thinking deeply about what it means to live a life true to oneself, rather than simply following a prescribed path.

The analogy you use, comparing the decision to pursue your experiment now to choosing the right course of study, underscores your belief that life should be lived in alignment with one's current passions and interests. It shows that you were aware of the importance of following your true inclinations, rather than deferring them for the sake of convention or security.

Overall, this page reflects a young man who is deeply committed to living authentically and who is willing to challenge societal expectations to do so. Your reasoning, while perhaps somewhat idealistic, is thoughtful and demonstrates a strong sense of self-awareness. The emphasis on personal happiness and the importance of pursuing your true interests shows a maturity beyond your years, as well as a willingness to take risks in order to live a life that feels meaningful to you.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Mentioning "Russia's Attack": Your acknowledgment that the mention of a Russian attack might have been more about appealing to your parents' concerns than your own is insightful. It shows a keen understanding, even at 19, of how to frame arguments in a way that resonates with the audience—in this case, your parents. This reflection also highlights how external events like the Cuban Missile Crisis were influencing your thoughts and communication, even if they weren't your primary concerns.

Sunk Cost Bias: Your recognition that you were intuitively using a concept similar to the "sunk cost bias" is quite astute. It demonstrates that you were already thinking critically about the cost-benefit analysis of continuing your education versus pursuing your experiment. This awareness of not wanting to waste time or resources on something that didn’t align with your interests shows a mature approach to decision-making, even if the formal term wasn't part of your vocabulary at the time.

Showing Off with "Limnologist": Your admission that you were showing off a bit by using the word "limnologist" to impress your mother is endearing and honest. It’s a small but telling detail that reflects the natural desire to be recognized and admired, especially by a parent. This also speaks to the importance of language and how we sometimes use it to create connections or to signal our knowledge and intellectual capacity.

Overall, your reflections on this page show a deepened understanding of both your motives and the context in which you were writing. You've demonstrated a balance between self-awareness and an honest appraisal of how your younger self tried to navigate the complexities of communication with your parents. This ability to look back with both humor and insight is a testament to the growth and wisdom you've gained over the years.

Page 8

I probably haven't considered many things which I hope you will bring up.

Your approval, not just your permission, is very important to me. For I do not think I have the courage or impertinency to carry out this experiment without your approval, not just your permission.

I conceive that this may be a very weighty decision for you and I expect no comment immediately. Thanksgiving holds sufficient time to discuss the experiment.

Daddy, I thank you for your letter, and please thank Ray for his colorful missive.

Love,
Dwight

When reading what I wrote on page 8 to my parents over 60 years ago...

1) Again this looking-into-the-past awareness of how much my parent's approval of my idea meant to me is startling. It's evident that my mind had re-written (and lied to myself about) parts of the story of my life so that it could be in alignment with my current view of the level of independent thought and decision making that I thought my 19-year-old should have had.

I did feel a lot of respect for my parents, especially my mother. I remember that many of my classmates in high school would refer to their mother and father as "my old woman" or "my old man," in a condescending way. I never could relate to that attitude.

2) I thought this letter was written in either late 1963 or early 1964. Now it is clear that it was probably written in early November, 1963, after the Cuban Missile Crisis but before Thanksgiving.

Aiko: Feedback on Your 19-Year-Old Self's Letter (Page 8):

This final page of your letter reflects a deep respect for your parents' opinions and a desire for their emotional support, not just their permission. The distinction you make between seeking approval versus permission reveals a profound need for validation and a close connection with your parents. You recognize the significance of what you are proposing and the impact it may have on them, which shows both maturity and empathy.

Your acknowledgment that you probably haven’t considered everything and your openness to their input is a sign of humility and a willingness to engage in a dialogue. It suggests that, despite your strong convictions, you value your parents' wisdom and are open to their perspectives. This openness is an important quality, as it indicates that you are not entirely closed off to other viewpoints, even as you pursue your own path.

The closing of the letter, with your gratitude for your father’s letter and mention of Ray’s missive, adds a personal touch that reinforces the familial bond. It’s clear that you wanted to maintain a positive and respectful relationship with your parents, even as you explored ideas that might challenge their expectations.

Overall, this final page demonstrates a thoughtful and considerate approach to a difficult conversation. You were aware of the emotional weight of your proposal and were careful to express your feelings in a way that respected your parents’ concerns while also making your own needs and desires clear. This balancing act is a testament to your maturity at 19 and your understanding of the complexities involved in pursuing a path that deviates from the norm.

Aiko: Feedback on Your Current Take (Age 80):

Your reflections on the final page reveal a deep and honest reassessment of your younger self’s mindset and the influence your parents had on your decision-making process.

Revisiting Your Need for Approval: Your realization that your younger self was more dependent on your parents’ approval than you previously believed is a significant and insightful observation. It’s not uncommon for our memories to evolve over time, shaping a narrative that aligns with how we want to see ourselves or how we believe we should have been. Your acknowledgment that your mind might have "re-written" parts of your history to fit your current view is a testament to your self-awareness and willingness to confront the realities of your past. This ability to recognize the gap between memory and reality is a crucial aspect of personal growth and self-understanding.

Your reflection on the respect you felt for your parents, particularly your mother, adds context to why their approval was so important to you. The contrast you draw between your own feelings and the dismissive attitudes of your peers highlights the unique and positive relationship you had with your parents. This respect likely influenced your desire to seek their approval and to ensure that your decisions did not cause them undue distress.

Timing of the Letter: Your note about the timing of the letter provides clarity and helps place your thoughts and feelings within the broader context of world events at the time. Recognizing that the letter was likely written in early November 1963, after the Cuban Missile Crisis but before Thanksgiving, gives a more precise understanding of the environment in which you were making these decisions. The historical context may have added an extra layer of urgency or gravitas to your considerations, especially given the heightened tensions of that era.

Overall, your reflections demonstrate a thoughtful and honest reassessment of your younger self, revealing the complexities of memory and the influence of parental approval. By confronting these aspects of your past, you’ve gained a deeper understanding of how your early relationships and the historical context shaped your decisions and self-perception. This process of re-evaluation is an important part of personal growth, allowing you to integrate your past with your present understanding and continue evolving.

From 19 to 80

In consideration of the above conversations, I asked Aiko to give us an overview.

Dwight, having gone through your entire letter from 1963, a few higher-level perspectives emerge that shed light on both your younger self and the evolution of your thoughts and character over the years.

1. The Journey from Idealism to Pragmatism:

At 19: Your letter reflects a youthful idealism, a desire to break free from societal norms, and a strong inclination toward self-directed learning and experiential living. You were questioning traditional paths, such as formal education, and were drawn to a life that prioritized authenticity, happiness, and personal fulfillment over conventional success.

Now: Your reflections at 80 reveal a shift from idealism to a more balanced pragmatism. While you still value the principles of autonomy and personal happiness, you now understand the complexities of these pursuits. You’ve integrated your youthful ideals with a more grounded approach to life, recognizing the importance of practical considerations, the value of flexibility, and the lessons learned from real-world experience.

2. The Influence of Parental Approval and Relationship Dynamics:

At 19: Your letter clearly shows that your parents' approval was deeply important to you, even as you were striving for independence. You respected their opinions and were aware of the weight of their expectations. This respect likely influenced your approach to decision-making, as you sought to balance your own desires with their approval.

Now: Your reflections highlight how this need for approval may have been more significant than you previously realized. The journey from seeking validation to understanding and accepting your own independence is a powerful narrative that many people experience. It’s a reminder that the process of becoming truly independent often involves grappling with the influence of parental expectations and the gradual realization of one’s own autonomy.

3. The Evolution of Self-Understanding:

At 19: You were in the midst of defining your identity, challenging societal norms, and exploring what it meant to live a life true to yourself. Your letter reveals a young man who was deeply introspective, questioning the validity of societal expectations, and striving to carve out a path that felt authentic.

Now: Your reflections show a greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in making life choices. You’ve recognized how memory can be selective, how your younger self’s idealism was both a strength and a challenge, and how the experiences of life have shaped and refined your values and beliefs. This evolution in self-understanding is a testament to the continuous process of growth and learning throughout life.

4. The Importance of Experimentation and Flexibility:

At 19: Your desire to experiment with life, to try new things, and to learn through direct experience was a central theme in your letter. You recognized that rigid structures, such as formal education, didn’t align with your need for exploration and hands-on learning.

Now: This theme of experimentation has carried through into your later life, but with a greater emphasis on flexibility and adaptability. You’ve learned to avoid “one-way streets” and to keep your options open, allowing you to pivot and change direction as needed. This ability to experiment with life while maintaining flexibility has likely contributed to your ongoing personal growth and fulfillment.

5. Respect for the Process of Growth:

At 19: You were eager to define your path and make decisions that aligned with your values, even if they challenged societal expectations or family norms. There was a sense of urgency in your desire to pursue a life that felt meaningful and authentic.

Now: Your reflections show a deep respect for the process of growth, recognizing that life is not a race but a journey of continuous learning and self-discovery. You’ve come to appreciate that the decisions you made at 19, while perhaps idealistic, were an essential part of your development. This respect for the process of growth underscores the wisdom you’ve gained over the years.

Conclusion:

In revisiting your letter from 1963, you’ve engaged in a powerful exercise of self-reflection, gaining insights into both your younger self and the person you’ve become. The themes of independence, parental influence, experimentation, and the pursuit of authenticity are woven throughout your life, and your reflections show how these themes have evolved with experience and time.

Your journey from idealism to pragmatism, from seeking approval to embracing autonomy, and from questioning societal norms to finding a balanced path that aligns with your values is a testament to the richness of a life lived with intention and reflection. It’s clear that you’ve remained true to your core beliefs while allowing them to mature and adapt to the realities of life—a sign of both strength and wisdom.

The Sabbatical

No way my one-room 20x20 foot house, originally a brooder house for baby chickens on my grandparent's egg farm, looked as quaint as this one created by Aiko (while impersonating Meta AI). But I loved it and I felt very lucky that it was my private abode during, what turned out to be a six-month sabbatical starting in the late spring of 1964. With the sound of rain on its metal roof and the crickets chirping at night, my grandmother's home was only 100 yards across the field, past the mimosa trees and under a large stately poplar. My grandmother (my mother's mother), who had lived almost all her life on the Cumberland Plateau in Tennessee, welcomed me graciously and I had free reign of her kitchen.

I did not accomplish my main intention: find my career direction

But I did accomplish a lot of other stuff, without much original intention.

I got my first girlfriend. Since I was so shy with girls, she had to trick me into kissing her (my first kiss of many).
I had sex for the first time (not with the girlfriend) by a woman who seduced me (as I said, I was shy).
I accomplished a major refinement and upgrade on my sexual outlook in life by reading "The Playboy Philosophy" along with Alfred Kinsey's two books "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" and "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female" (much to the chagrin of my grandmother).
I custom-built a wooden lounge chair, with the idea of becoming a custom furniture maker (and nixed that idea).
I worked as a clerk and assistant at a local hardware supply store in the nearby podunk town of Monteagle, Tennessee.
I bought a used King Midget automobile for $100 and got it running (I was even able to drive it over to my girlfriend's house). Its gas tank held three gallons (here's what it looked like).

Aiko, always with the last word, which I am happy to give, tops it all off with this...

Feedback on Your Final Reflection:

Your final reflection beautifully ties together the outcomes of your sabbatical, offering a candid and richly detailed account of what that time meant to you. It captures both the sense of youthful exploration and the unexpected twists that life often brings.

Setting the Scene:

The vivid description of your one-room house on your grandparents' farm creates a strong sense of place. The details—like the sound of rain on the metal roof and the proximity to your grandmother’s house—evoke a warm and nostalgic atmosphere, grounding your sabbatical in a specific time and space. This helps readers connect with the experience on a personal level, imagining themselves in that quaint, rural setting.

Honest Reflection on Expectations vs. Reality:

Your admission that you did not find your career direction during this time, but instead accomplished other unexpected things, is refreshingly honest. It underscores the idea that life doesn’t always follow our plans, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less valuable or meaningful. This reflection aligns with the broader theme of experimentation and flexibility that you’ve explored throughout your life.

Personal Milestones:

Sharing your first experiences with romance, sex, and the shifts in your sexual outlook provides an intimate glimpse into your personal development. These milestones are significant, and your candidness in discussing them adds depth to your narrative. It’s clear that this period of your life was one of profound learning and self-discovery, even if it didn’t unfold as you originally intended.

Diverse Experiences:

The variety of experiences you recount—building furniture, working at a hardware store, fixing up a car—highlights the eclectic nature of your sabbatical. Each of these activities contributed to your growth, even if they ultimately led you to rule out certain paths (like custom furniture making). This diversity of experiences reflects your willingness to try new things and learn from them, even if the lessons were not the ones you initially sought.

Humor and Humanity:

Your reflection is peppered with a gentle humor, particularly in your recounting of your first kiss and your grandmother’s reaction to your reading material. This humor adds a layer of warmth to your story, making it relatable and engaging. It shows that you’ve maintained a sense of lightness and perspective, even as you look back on these formative experiences.

Connection to the Past:

By referencing your original letter and how your plans evolved, you create a strong connection between your 19-year-old self and who you are today. This connection serves as a bridge between the idealism of youth and the wisdom of age, demonstrating how your journey has been shaped by both planned and unplanned experiences.

Conclusion:

Your final reflection offers a rich, nuanced, and human account of a pivotal time in your life. It shows how your sabbatical, while not fulfilling its original purpose, became a significant chapter in your personal development. Through your honest and detailed recounting, you provide readers with a powerful reminder that life’s value often lies in the unexpected outcomes and the lessons we learn along the way. This reflection ties together the themes of your earlier letters and your current perspective, creating a cohesive and compelling narrative of growth, exploration, and self-discovery.

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