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"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
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Celebrating my 80th in Japan
How do I want to celebrate my 80th with you?
I've decided it would be fun to give you a glimpse into Japan and the Japanese mindset and way of life. Although you may think you know Japan fairly well, you're probably mistaken. The Japanese people, although classified as Asian, stand another world apart from all the other Asians that I know about.
I can claim some first-hand knowledge of, visiting for at least a week with all these other Asian people: South Korea, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Thailand, Nepal, Vietnam, Myanmar, India, Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Cambodia.
Alert: if you're not already receiving a weekly email where I share captioned photos and videos of my previous week's adventures, send me an email NOW at Dwight@GoldWinde.com, asking to be added and I'll put you on the list so you won't miss any of the extra special ones that are going out now from Japan. You can cancel at any time.
On the surface: litter-free and organized
In either living in or visiting 25 countries in my life, Japan is #1 in being litter-free and organized (with Singapore getting an honorable mention). In fact, it is so litter-free, that there are no public trash cans. The people are so responsible for carrying trash, if necessary, all the way to their homes where it can be appropriately separated for recycling.
Yesterday, I was in a major underground JR train/subway complex. I had purchased a bottled coffee previously and had broken it with Japanese decorum by drinking it while walking on the street. I had been carrying the empty bottle for a while and I wanted to discard it. I have never seen a trash receptacle for public trash disposal.
Previously when I had such trash to dispose of, I had asked a convenience store clerk to trash it for me. But the clerks in a large convenience store there refused to do it for me. When I asked them how I was supposed to dispose of the bottle, one lady pointed me toward the public restrooms. However, when I checked out the restroom thoroughly, there were no trash bins.
Finally, I went into a restaurant and persuaded this young lady to allow me to put the bottle on her empty food tray which she would be returning to the service area (restaurants will not let you dump your trash because it has to be legally separated for recycling).
On the surface: clean
Take the attitude expressed by the following sign and suffuse it deeply into the Japanese mind and behavior and you'll get an idea of how clean they are. I took this photo yesterday.
On the surface: quiet
The level of quietness in the public areas of Japan is astounding. If anyone is talking, it's to someone next to them in hushed tones.
Yesterday, I noticed something that I would normally have never noticed because it stood out from the norm of the quiet background as hundreds of Japanese quietly traversed the subway underground. As a man was walking down the corridor in the subway underground, he was talking loudly, seemingly to himself, as if he was drunk or maybe not quite sane. A subway security man approached him to calm him down or otherwise address this man's inappropriate behavior, which in other cultures would have not stood out.
On the surface: shy
When passing people on the sidewalk, I often say, "How are you?" or "Good morning." On occasion, I get a delayed reply. Mostly, however, people respond as if I haven't spoken at all.
In conversation: I'm listening
When I first visited Japan in 1995, I was struck by how I felt so listened to (especially by the women) by the sounds they made as I was speaking, not so as to interrupt me, but to show me their attention. Some foreigners might experience this as interruptive, but for me, it had the opposite effect. Later I found that this Japanese cultural practice is so unique it has a name called "". Watch this short video. It gives you a good feeling for how it works.
In body language: I'm humble and careful to ask for space
If I were to watch some Japanese TV shows showing the everyday body language of the actors, I could easily provide you with some clips to illustrate a distinct Japanese trait. From a Western perspective, the Japanese body movements and gestures would be considered obsequiously considerate and polite.
After living a year in Japan (the year 2000), I moved to Shanghai, China. I had watched Japanese TV shows where I didn't understand the language, so I was especially aware of their body movements and language. Once in China, I was watching some Chinese TV shows, also not knowing the language. I was struck by the fact that the body language of the Chinese differed in no significant way from that of Americans or any other country that I knew about. In contrast, the Japanese body language seemed to set them apart from all the rest of the world (that I knew about then or now).
Taking care of: helpfulness
In all my travels, I only remember one other time (in China) when someone, instead of giving me directions, went out of their way to take me to where I was trying to get to. It happened many times in Japan when I traveled and lived here before. And it's already happened twice on this trip, once with Kotono-san, a 23-year-old university student here in Sapporo, who parlayed my request to help me buy a JR Train ticket into an hour-and-a-half journey to make sure I found my Airbnb. The other time was with Rio-san, a high school student, who accompanied for at least 30 minutes along my journey last Sunday to find a place to fix the sim card in my mobile phone.
Kotono-san
Rio-san
Rules, rules, rules
Out of a sense of order and decorum, Japanese have a lot of rules and they seem to make up even more.
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Don’t wear shoes indoors: Always take off your shoes before entering a home, temple, or certain traditional inns (ryokan).
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Don’t point: Pointing at people or things is considered rude. Use your whole hand to gesture.
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Don’t tip: Tipping is not customary and can be seen as insulting.
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Don’t talk loudly on public transportation: Keep conversations quiet and avoid talking on the phone.
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Don’t blow your nose in public: It’s considered impolite. Excuse yourself to a more private area.
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Don’t eat while walking: Eating while walking is generally frowned upon. Sit down to eat or drink.
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Don’t pour your own drink: When drinking with others, pour drinks for your companions and they will do the same for you.
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Don’t be late: Punctuality is very important. Arrive on time for appointments and meetings.
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Don’t engage in excessive physical contact: Public displays of affection are uncommon and can make others uncomfortable.
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Don’t give gifts in sets of four: The number four is associated with death. Avoid giving gifts in sets of four or using the number four.
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Don't laugh without putting your hand over. your mouth, especially for women.
My quintessential story
During my one year living in Tokyo, I accompanied a friend to a small restaurant for conversation, perhaps 25 different times. Most often, the background music was a little bit loud for me to enjoy easy conversation. Each time, I asked the person in charge if they might turn down the muisc a bit. Each time, with apology, they said, "Sorry, we cannot. It is policy." (the level that the music is played is set by policy). This was the reply regardless of the fact that several times my friend and I were the only patrons of the restaurant.
I never encountered this "policy" behavior in any other country.
Here are some rules I have been alerted to at my Airbnb
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I'm out the door!
I'm in Japan. I am out the door to enjoy it some more. I can't spend any more time writing about Japan instead of doing Japan.
There so much more I could share with you. I leave you with the fun assignment of learning about "honne" (本音) and "tatemae" (建前). Some Japanese have told me that even your family and best friends will never know your real self (honne) since the importance of tatemae (looking proper and doing what is expected) is so ever present and dominant.
