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Distinctions, Principles, and Tools
Distinctions
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said,
but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
—Robert McCloskey
Open this door to explore the full set of distinctions that we refined or created in the Word Repair Shop. Below are a few of them.
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Hard (something is hard)
Principles
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Accept that everyone's choices (including yours) are not right or wrong, not good or bad, but have costs, benefits, risks, and possibilities, for themselves and for others, both short-term and long-term. See BeCoPoRiNNOO.
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Avoid toxic words like good, bad, right, wrong, fair, unfair, difficult, obligation, not good enough, should, and shouldn’t?
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Be hard on problems, but soft on people.
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Be your own best friend. Give yourself admiration, compassion, and understanding.
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Bring play, adventure, curiosity, and gratitude to each moment of my day.
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Choose courage to let go of defensiveness. Notice that there is nothing to defend.
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Choose courage to let go of expectations.
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Choose courage to live a life true to yourself, not what others expect (if there is a conflict).
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Choose courage (if necessary) to make requests.
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Choose courage (if necessary) to say "no".
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Choose courage (if necessary) to keep good boundaries with others so that you're taking care of yourself in your relationship with them.
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Choose courage (if necessary) to be more authentic and self-expressed.
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Choose courage (if necessary) to shut up when it would be best to shut up.
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Choose courage (if necessary) to prioritize enjoying the process needed to get whatever result(s) that your Next wants.
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Choose courage (if necessary) to accept that others may sometimes be upset with you.
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Do the difficult first.
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Everything that happens in your life is either a gift or a potential gift. Always look for that.
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Happiness is the ultimate purpose for every action you take.
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How are you currently fighting with reality (if you are suffering)?
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How can your Now and Next both be happy?
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How can your Now enjoy the process of moving towards what your Next wants?
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How can your SelfCare and the SelfCare of another fit together?
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Kids and cats as your best teachers. Look for ways to learn from them.
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Listen first, understand first; speak second, try to be understood second.
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Look for and discover the benefits behind any behavior that occurs as negative.
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Lower your standards (as a method for both Now and Next to be happy)
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Maintain buffers in your life, especially time and money buffers.
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Notice a soul-to-soul connection with each person in your life.
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Put on new glasses (create better interpretations).
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Remember that whatever others do, they are just trying to take care of themselves the best they know how.
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Remember that, after breathing, getting enough sleep and staying well rested is your #1 life priority (this follows from happiness being everyone's life purpose).
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Remember to maximize the source of your calories (at least 90%) from eating whole, unprocessed, plant foods (greens, beans, grains, seeds, fruits, berries, root vegetables, nuts, mushrooms, fungus, seaweeds, teas, coffees, spices, nutritional yeast, algae, and bee pollen)?
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Show respect to yourself, your friends, your colleagues, your reports, your boss, and your family members?
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Underpromise to yourself and to others.
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Use the Partnership Conversation in circumstances where there is an upset or potential upset with another.
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Watch the machinery of your mind with compassion and curiosity, knowing that you are not your machinery.
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You are the final judge for any choice you make or don't make.
Tools (techniques)
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35 questions (five questions a day for a great life)
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37 questions (falling in love question at a time)
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Buffers (creating and maintaining)
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Celebrations (you have no idea how much you can celebrate)
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Dead but not gone (no need for grief or remorse)
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Doer and the planner (how to plan your day for both Now and Next)
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Doing it with others (both Now and Next can be happy)
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Eating healthy on $8 a day (healthy eating is less expensive than unhealthy eating, both short-term and long-term)
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Enchanting (dissolve stress, depression, or any bad mood)
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Fifteen minutes for love (keeping love alive)
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Five-minute trial (one way to get agreement between Now and Next)
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Five languages for expressing love (know your own and your partner's)
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Giving up (quitaverance: feeling great about giving up)
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Good fences between Now and Next help keep the peace
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Gong bath meditation (turning off the mind)
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Gratitude (you only know 1% of it)
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How you occur for others (explore the world of how others see you)
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Jealousy (and how to handle it)
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Listening (the gentle power)
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Listening for their listening of you (real-time feedback)
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Partnership Conversation (to resolve any conflict or potential conflict)
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RAFTS (reluctant and frightened to share...a method to deepen understanding and intimacy)
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Running a water-tight ship (how much damage do all those leaks cause)
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Saying "no" (how you say "no" is as important as saying "no," when you need to)
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Screaming (deep, vital expressions...push it all the way out)
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Sleep (enough sleep is a foundational requirement for happiness)
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Staying fit in nine minutes a week (healthy fitness is MUCH easier than you think)
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Step by step (God gave us time so that we could have fun doing everything step by step)
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The eyes have it (soul-to-soul)
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Your Primo habit (this one habit will build all others)
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The ten-minute cognitive workout (re-programming the machinery of your mind)
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Use the Byron Katie technique (discover if your upsetting thought is true).
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Your Whine List (a fun method to shift a down mood)
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Check out other tools in the toolkits