Beware of expectations (depending on what you mean)

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Consider the word “expectation.” Taking several of its denotations/connotations together, it implies a certain commitment and intention, it implies anticipation, it implies a certain faith, and it implies that it should happen—that something is wrong if it doesn’t happen. This package deal is a mixture of distinctions that serve us best when they are made and kept distinct.

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Different distinctions 

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The following are five separate distinctions we often use for the word “expectation.” I reserve only one of these five for the way I use the word “expectation.”

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An expectation as an upset waiting to happen

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Expectation means that you are counting on something to happen and if it doesn’t happen, then you will automatically assume something is wrong with you, something is wrong with someone else, or something is wrong with the universe. Expectation is a “make wrong” (blaming something) waiting to happen. This is the way I use the word "expectation."

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An expectation as an anticipation

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Anticipation is the projection that something will happen and that pain or pleasure will accompany it. If a pleasurable projection doesn’t happen, then disappointment or sadness may occur, but no “make wrong” occurs. If a painful projection doesn’t happen, then relief or pleasure may occur as a result, but no “make right” occurs (the other side of the coin to “make wrong”).

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An expectation as an intention

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Intention is a commitment to taking actions which you believe will influence the realization of some outcome. Commitment is saying something will happen, not only because you say it will happen, but also because of the consistent actions you will take to make it happen. And you accept the risk that it may not happen. If it doesn't happen, there will be no upset about that. You accepted that risk in setting the intention as part of the game you are playing.

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An expectation as an prediction

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A prediction is saying that you think has a chance of happening or not happening (made with various degrees of certainty). Whether or not it happens may occasion some new learning, but will not cause any upset.

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An expectation as having faith that something will happen

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Faith is the belief or knowing, as a fatebelief, not a factbelief, to live as if something will happen, combined with the even greater knowledge that, if it should not happen, whatever does happen will be an even bigger gift in your life (even if you don’t initially see it as such).

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Distinctions (words) are the tools, the quality of which creates our life

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By creating clarity around the mental tools we use and that use us (our words and distinctions), we have a power to create the life we want—a life that would otherwise seem impossible.

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Identify an expectation in your life and, after letting go of that expectations, create anticipation, intention, prediction, commitment, or faith around it. Notice the choice of courage involved in doing so. Honor yourself for choosing this courage.

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See also

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Undoing expectations

Are positive expectations good?

What if you lost your arm?

Cowards both: optimists and pessimists

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"You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear."

—proverb

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