Misunderstandings without knowing what is misunderstood

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I don't think I would be exaggerating by saying that at least 50% of the suffering in the world that comes from inter-personal relationships as well as from inter-group relationships is caused by the misunderstandings associated with the meaning of the word "fair" (and all it's derivatives).

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First off, I would even claim that very few of us are internally consistent in our ability to clearly define how we would know or measure "fair" behavior in various circumstances.

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Leaving that issue aside, let's examine the many different, often conflicting ways that each of us may have for assessing what is fair or not fair. This list is not exhaustive, but we will quickly discover why the word and idea of "fair" is severely ambiguous.

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Ways of assessing fairness

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• by neediness

• by people being treated equally

• by voluntary exchange of value

• by following previously agreed to conditions

• by equal sacrifice

• by laws, rules, guidelines, or regulations being followed

• by following certain cultural accepted behaviors 

• by respecting someone's autonomy to make personal choices

• by not harming others

• by not respecting the privacy of another

• by not sexually harassing another

• by not verbally offending another

• by not violating another's physical boundaries

• but not causing harm to other sentient species

• but not violating the spirit of rocks (I once had a client that insisted I ask a rock if I had permission to take it home)

• by doing anything that is considered to harm the environment

• by not denigrating or questioning the values of any particular group of people

• by applying consequences to another for violating the fairness of others or of ourselves

• by getting values (benefits) or consequences (costs) given by others, either voluntarily or by edict, because of the group one either belongs to, whether by birth, by choice, or by default

• by what you're able to give

• by doing what someone with authority or seniority asks (parents, teachers, bosses, commanders)

• by being first in line

• by reciprocating for what was given

• by the fact that someone got something before so they should continue to get it

• by effort or time provided

• by being expected by someone

• by showing respect

• by loyalty

• by having good intentions

• by what some religious book or authority decree

• by not being disgusting

• by having guilt or shame

• by not being weird

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It's amazing that we get along as well as we do

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Given this hodgepodge of criteria that various people use to assess whether something is fair or not that are often incompatible in all the various circumstances that arise in our lives, it's amazing that we're able to get along as well as we do. How come there are no more wars than there are? More murder? More broken marriages and friendships? More defensiveness and hostility?

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The Ethics of Integrity

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What's needed, but hasn't been available previously, is a new comprehensive approach that is able to provide actionable guidelines for each of us to determine what is "fair" so that we're liable to maximize the benefits, most importantly for ourselves, but also for others, while minimizing the possibilities of conflicts.

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I suggest that the Ethics of Integrity is that approach. I would challenge you to take any one of the "criteria" presented above that seems to conflict with any of the guidelines provided within this new ethics and I will show you how the new ethics either includes that consideration or transcends it.

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