Is it hard, difficult, tough?

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Do you have struggles or challenges (in the negative sense)?

 

• Is it hard to make requests?

• Is it hard to say "no."?

• Is it hard to set and maintain boundaries?

• Is it hard when you are rejected?

• Is it hard to be vulnerable?

• Is it hard to express your authentic thoughts and feelings?

• Is it hard to be true to yourself?

• Is it hard to let go of guilt or regret?

• Is it hard to let go of the past?

• Is it hard to let go of defensiveness?

• Is it hard when someone is angry with you?

• Is it hard to allow yourself to have a broken heart?

• Is it hard when someone betrays your trust?

• Is it hard when someone doesn't understand you?

• Is it hard to get divorced?

• Is it hard to let go of blame and anger?

• Is it hard when you learn that your spouse is having an affair?

• Is it hard to let go of resentment?

• Is it hard to keep your promises to others?

• Is it hard to be a good parent?

• Is it hard to be a good person?

• Is it hard to give up drinking, smoking, or drugs?

• Is it hard to quit a job?

• Is it hard to let go of impatience or frustration?

• Is it hard when you don't get what you want?

• Is it hard to stop procrastinating?

• Is it hard to keep going and not give up?

• Is it hard when you fail?

• Is it hard when you don't understand why something happened?

• Is it hard to lose weight?

• Is it hard to get enough exercise?

• Is it hard to eat well?

• Is it hard to avoid junk food?

• Is it hard to break bad habits?

• Is it hard to keep your promises to yourself?

• Is it hard to get out of bed in the morning?

• Is it hard to get to sleep?

• Is it hard to choose courage?

• Is it hard to stop worrying?

• Is it hard to give up?

• Is it hard to die?

• Is your life hard?

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What does it mean when we say something is "hard"?

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Sometimes we mean we don't know how to do something. But does that make it hard? If we want something and we don't know how to do it, as long as we don't think we should be able to always get what we want, then what's hard about wanting something that we don't know how to get? Nothing.

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Sometimes we mean that we attempted to get something and we didn't get it. But does that make it hard? If we attempted to get something and when don't believe that we should always get whatever we attempt to get, then what's hard about attempting to get something and not getting it? Nothing.

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Sometimes we mean that we project that we, or others, will be taking a chance that we won't get something that we're going to go for or we won't get it in a short period of time. But does that make it hard? Unless we think it should not be a risk or should not take a long time, then what's hard about that? Nothing.

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We honor ourselves if we stick with something even when it's hard

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The idea that life, or at least some aspects of life, is hard is universally agreed upon. You can question almost anything else, but don't question the idea that life, or at least some aspects of it, are hard. I found that others will defend this idea consistently and vociferously. Regardless of whether or not we live up to the ideal of doing things even when they're hard, we will agree with Frank Slade (Al Pacino) in the movie Scent of a Woman, when he said, “I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here’s Charlie. He’s come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It’s the right path. It’s a path of principle...that leads to character.”

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It's hard because you make it hard

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Yes, life or aspects of life, can occur as hard because, in one or more ways, we are denying or resisting what is. It is "hard" because we are fighting with it. We're fighting with reality. As Byron Katie says, "When you fight with reality, you lose...but only 100% of the time."

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How we fight with reality

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We resist either fear or pain of what is or what could be. All experiences of "hardness" arise out of this resistance.

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Our use of the words should, shouldn't, good, bad, fair, unfair, deserve, and don't deserve, most often express resistance to what is or could be.

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Now and Next, Oneself, and Others resisting each other

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Now and Next, as participants in our civil wars, make life seem hard. Now and Next continue in their daily battles and skirmishes, with both complaining about how hard the other makes it. Oneself and Others find it impossible to bury the hatchet, adding to the conviction that our life is difficult.

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Is it hard to go to the peace table? Is it hard to do 14:24 each day?

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Yes, even though your Now, Next, Oneself, and Others complain about things being hard, they often think it's even harder to sit down together at the peace table, working as partners to create wins for all.

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Go figure, right?!

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Keys to the peace table

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FFP toolkit

FFI toolkit

NNI toolkit

NFS toolkit

OOI toolkit

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