Sometimes our fear is valid (at least to some extent)

 

Occasionally, we choose courage in the face of a possible/probable cost.

 

• For example, if you make a significant investment in an entrepreneurial project, then your choice of courage will probably include the valid fear that you may lose part – or all – of your investment.

• If you choose to have open heart surgery, then your choice of courage will probably include the valid fear that you will not only need to endure a lot of pain, but you also risk the worsening of your condition or possible death.

• If, in service to your highest commitments, you choose a major at the university against your parents’ wishes, then you may face a valid fear of their disapproval and criticism, as well as the loss of their financial support.

 

These are examples in which choosing courage embraces a fear of likely costs associated with the choice of courage.

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Fear without likely cost (paper-tiger fears)

 

Most opportunities for courage, however, if executed with some planning and sensitivity, include little, if any, likelihood of cost, regardless of whether or not the desired outcome was achieved.

 

• For example, if you choose courage to ask a man or woman for a date, then you are most likely no worse off  if he or she declines than you were before you asked.

• If you choose courage to start a conversation with the person beside you in the line at the bank or supermarket, you are most likely no worse off if he or she ignores you than you were before you opened your mouth.

• If you choose courage in calling a prospective client to make him or her an offer, then, you are most likely no worse off if he or she says “no” than you were before you picked up the telephone.

• If you choose courage in gently but clearly and respectfully letting a friend know that you felt hurt by him or her showing up late, then, even if the friend doesn’t change his or her behavior, you are most likely no worse off than if you kept your mouth shut.

• If you choose courage in expressing, "a part of me would like to say 'yes' to your request for a loan, but I don't know how to do that and still take care of myself and our relationship," then you are most likely no worse off than if you had lent him or her the money (incurring the unnecessary risk of damaging your relationship with him or her and even losing your money).

• If you choose courage to express your desires openly and without demand in making a request of a friend,

• then, even if he or she should say “no,” you are most likely no worse off than if you had not made the request.

• If you choose courage in vulnerably expressing to another how you feel about him or her then, even if he or she is not responsive to your expression, you are most likely no worse off than if you kept your feelings to yourself.

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We're frightened of the wrong things

 

In the last eight examples, the real cost, the real danger, the real risk is that you will not choose courage. The actual risk is exactly the opposite of what you feel is the risk.

 

Identify an opportunity for courage that’s available to you now, where the real cost, the real danger, the real risk is in not choosing courage.

 

Are you willing to choose that courage now?

 

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"Fear is met and destroyed with courage."

—James F. Bell (? American educator)

 

"There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

—Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980, Film-maker)

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"Consider that there’s a certain type of fear, where you know that once you’ve chosen to face that fear, you’ll see that, all along, there was nothing to fear. However, prior to choosing, that knowledge makes little difference. It’s still frightening to make that choice. To choose to step through this fear into the serenity that’s waiting for you on the other side is an existential act of courage."

—Dwight GoldWinde