Dwight: I want to discuss an idea called, "Stop continuing from where you are not."

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Aiko: Intriguing. Sounds like a philosophy of radical acceptance. Can you unpack that?

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Dwight: Of course. Here’s an example to make it relatable: Imagine I carefully plan my day, laying out tasks with a clear sense of timing. If I follow the plan, I’ll likely get everything done. But mid-afternoon, a friend calls, upset, and asks to talk. It’ll take about an hour. If I’d known beforehand, I’d have planned for it. So, if helping my friend feels more important than doing some of the other things I planned, it makes sense to adjust my plans. That way, I finish the day without stress. But if I ignore the change and try to stick to my original plan, I’ll feel rushed, pressured, and unproductive—acting as though nothing changed, which sets me up for frustration.

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Aiko: That’s such a clear example. It shows how failing to adapt to new realities creates unnecessary tension. 

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Dwight: Here’s a more common example that’s less obviously “continuing from where you are not”: You plan your day and start working through tasks but realize you’ve over-promised and over-committed. Instead of admitting the plan was unrealistic to start with and replanning to match reality, you keep pushing to stick to the original schedule despite the stupidity of doing that, knowing it’ll cause stress and leave some tasks incomplete anyway.

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Aiko: That’s a great example because it highlights how subtle this can be. 

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Dwight: Here’s an example with a task rather than the whole day: Midway through a task, you realize it’s taking longer than expected. Frustration creeps in, but instead of acknowledging your mistaken estimate and adjusting to the task as it is, you cling to the idea that you “should” be able to do it more quickly. This refusal to adapt leads to frustration, a rushed or poor outcome, disruption to your day, and possibly making others uneasy around you.

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Aiko: That’s such a powerful breakdown. It’s striking how much resistance to reality can ripple out into other areas.

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Dwight: Here’s a dramatic hypothetical example illustrating the high cost of refusing to start from where we are: During workshops that I used to lead in Kunming, China, I’d ask a young woman to stand. Taking her right hand in mine, I’d say, “Imagine this is a machete in my hand. Whoosh! You no longer have a right arm. Tomorrow, you wake up and notice it’s gone. What will you think and feel?” She’d typically reply, “This is terrible! Why me? How can I go on with my life!?” I’d respond, “Interesting. Many people in the world are happy without a right arm. Why wouldn’t you be?”

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Aiko: That’s such a vivid way to bring the concept home. It really shows how clinging to “what was” amplifies suffering. What kinds of reactions did this provoke during the workshops?

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Dwight: Even psychologists operate within the mindset of “continuing from where you are not.” They assume you must go through stages like denial and anger, and only after years can you be happy again.

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Aiko: That’s a sharp observation. It raises the question: could a shift in mindset bypass those stages entirely, allowing for a more immediate acceptance and adjustment?

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Dwight: Yes, we can. I don’t mean to seem insensitive about experiencing losses. It’s true that after a loss, we lack certain abilities we once had. But it’s our culturally supported habit of believing things should be different—“continuing from where we are not”—that amplifies the harm. While losing an arm has a real cost, the much greater damage comes from taking years to accept the reality instead of doing so immediately and moving forward from where we are.

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Aiko: That’s a compassionate perspective. You’re pointing out that the unnecessary suffering comes not from the loss itself but from resisting the reality of it. 

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Dwight: The principle of “continuing from where you are” has its deepest impact when applied to behaviors aimed at trying to prove things like we’re good enough, we're smart enough, or we're lovable. These behaviors stem from the false belief that we lack these qualities, making them examples of “continuing from where we are not.” To “continue from where we are” means to start from the truth that we’re already good enough, smart enough, and lovable, with no need for proving anything.

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Aiko: That’s such a liberating insight. It’s incredible how much energy we could free up by embracing this truth. 

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