Your (almost) invisible debt.      

​

Most of us live under the weight of an invisible debt—a debt that cannot be quantified, measured, or repaid. This debt is the belief that we are, in some fundamental way, "not enough." The tragedy of this debt is that the more we attempt to pay it off—through achievement, self-improvement, or moral virtue—the more it reinforces the illusion that the debt was ever real in the first place. This endless striving shapes our existence, preventing us from experiencing lasting happiness and contentment. It keeps us locked in a cycle of proving, recovering, or rebelling against a debt that does not, and never did, exist.

​

​

The Unattainable Pursuit of Being "Enough"

​

One of the most insidious manifestations of this debt is the belief that we are "not good enough." This core assumption drives many of us into a lifelong effort to prove our worth—through career success, relationships, personal growth, or moral conduct. However, every attempt to prove that we are good enough rests on the premise that we are, by default, not good enough. Thus, our very efforts to "repay the debt" reinforce its existence. The irony is that the only way to escape this cycle is not through more proving, but through questioning the very premise that we were ever "not good enough" to begin with.

This same dynamic extends to countless other beliefs:

​

• "I'm not smart enough."

• "I'm not kind enough."

• "I'm not generous enough."

• "I'm not hardworking enough."

​

​

Something we need to prove

​

Even when these beliefs do not appear as explicit self-doubts, they manifest in the form of obligations we impose on ourselves:

​

• "I am a good husband or wife."

• "I am a good mother or father."

• "I am a loyal family member."

• "I am an honest person with integrity."

• "I am a hard worker."

​

At first glance, these affirmations may seem positive, but if they arise from an unconscious need to prove something, they are merely disguised attempts to repay the same insatiable debt. To the extent that we feel compelled to prove that we are something, we simultaneously affirm the underlying fear that we are not that thing.

​

​

The Religious Reinforcement of "Not Enough"

​

This idea of "not being good enough" is expressed in the Christian doctrine of "original sin," which suggests that humanity is born in a state of inherent moral failing. This doctrine implies that we must continually and always fight against our sinful nature to ensure that we are "good people." The concept of original sin reinforces the notion of an intrinsic deficit that must be atoned for, fueling a lifelong struggle to prove moral worth. Like other manifestations of the "not enough" debt, this belief keeps individuals in a state of perpetual self-examination and effort, often driven more by fear of unworthiness than by intrinsic goodness or joy.

​

​

The Emotional and Psychological Toll of the "Debt"

​

The burden of proving our worth takes a profound toll on our well-being. It makes us serious, rigid, and burdened by self-judgment. It robs us of curiosity, playfulness, and joy, because our focus is always on meeting an invisible standard. The constant pressure to be "enough" fosters stress, resentment, anxiety, and even depression. We blame ourselves for not measuring up, and when others fail to meet their own invisible debts, we blame them as well.

​

Moreover, this burden keeps us in a state of perpetual survival. Rather than experiencing life as a free-flowing, ever-changing exploration, we become trapped in a rigid framework of obligation and self-justification. Every moment becomes an evaluation of whether we are winning or losing in the pursuit of "enoughness." Even when we experience moments of happiness or contentment, they are fleeting, because the ever-present debt remains unpaid.

​

​

Breaking the Cycle: Questioning the Debt

​

The only way to break free from this cycle is to question its very foundation. Rather than striving to "prove" our worth, intelligence, or adequacy, we can instead approach the question with gentle curiosity: “What specific evidence, in what particular circumstances, leads me to believe that something is ‘not enough’ or that I must prove myself?”

 

In this reflection, it’s important to distinguish between the concept of being “enough” in the sense of self-worth—such as feeling “not good enough”—and the practical use of “enough” in situations like “I don’t have enough money to buy that” or “I don’t have enough skills to perform open-heart surgery.”

We can also begin seeking opportunities to choose courage in different situations—whether by taking action or refraining from it—especially when we fear that others, if aware, might judge us as “not good enough.”

​

​

A false belief that is conditioned

​

This belief in “not enough” is not inherent but conditioned. From early childhood, societal messages, parental expectations, and cultural norms reinforce the idea that we must earn our worth. But what if we never had to earn it in the first place? What if our inherent value is not something to be achieved but something that simply is?

​

​

No debt to pay

​

Realizing that there is no debt to repay does not mean we stop growing, learning, or striving. It simply means we can engage with life from a place of curiosity, joy, and intrinsic motivation rather than fear, guilt, or obligation. It means we can work hard, not because we are trying to prove we are "hardworking," but because we find fulfillment in the work itself. It means we can be kind, not because we fear being "not kind enough," but because kindness arises naturally when we are not burdened by insecurity.

​

​

Conclusion: Living Beyond the Illusion of Debt

​

The belief in a perpetual debt of "not enough" is a deep illusion, one that shapes our lives in profound and often painful ways. The more we try to prove we are enough, the more we reinforce the false belief that we are lacking. This endless cycle deprives us of true contentment and keeps us in a state of unnecessary struggle.

​

The way out is not through more proving, but through recognizing that the debt was never real to begin with. When we let go of the illusion of inadequacy, we can finally experience life with a sense of freedom, playfulness, and ease. Happiness and fulfillment are no longer things we must earn—they are simply states of being that arise naturally when we no longer believe we are in debt.