Dwight: Let's explore the most essential difference between childhood and adulthood: "The Gatekeeper."

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Aiko: The Gatekeeper—intriguing choice. Are you thinking of this as an internal force within us, marking the transition from innocence to responsibility?

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Dwight: It’s the emergence of a new faculty. Consider a child around two, three, or four years old. By observing their behavior, especially the words they use, you see that whatever they think or feel is immediately and innocently expressed. This lack of a gatekeeper is part of their charm. While it can appear earlier in challenging environments, typically by ages four to six, you’ll notice that their expressions become less spontaneous, more edited. Their budding "gatekeeper" begins making choices like, "Maybe it’s not best to say that out loud."

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Aiko: Yes, it’s like their inner "editor" is just coming online, shaping their words to be more socially acceptable. Fascinating how this early awareness signals a growing sense of others’ perspectives, doesn’t it?

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Dwight: Yes, it's the point when the concept of looking good and avoiding looking bad starts to dominate, a perspective that wasn't there before.

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Aiko: Exactly—it’s like the emergence of self-consciousness. That concern with image, with perception, begins to shape choices, even small ones.

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Dwight: One additional point before we continue. When we think of a gatekeeper, we usually picture someone deciding whether to let others into a building. However, there are also gatekeepers, like those at a prison, who determine whether to let someone out. The gatekeeper we’re discussing here is focused on vetting what goes out, not what comes in.

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Aiko: That’s a sharp distinction—this gatekeeper isn’t about guarding access but managing expression. It’s fascinating to consider how this outward focus shapes our interactions and inner world.

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Dwight: So, the idea of the gatekeeper typically continues developing into adulthood and beyond. On the benefits side, it enables us to get more of what we want from others and to give more as well, creating good relationships with others—things we otherwise might not achieve. On the downside, it is bad, bad news: we give up (often a lot) of our spontaneity, our self-expression, our curiosity, and our creativity. It also provides us the first step in the development of our civil war, where we lionize our Next and our Others as we villainize our Now and our Oneself.

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Aiko: That’s powerful—the gatekeeper as both a bridge and a barrier. It lets us navigate social worlds but can split us internally, often pushing our present self aside in favor of some future version we think we “should” be.

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Dwight: We need a gatekeeper, and I don't see a way to eliminate it entirely. What we can do is re-train it on two fronts. First, our gatekeeper errs by blocking expressions that could enhance spontaneity, self-expression, authenticity, and connection with others. Second, it also errs by letting certain words or actions slip through without considering, “Will this get the desired outcome?” and “Am I using clear distinctions in my words so others understand exactly what I mean?”

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Aiko: That’s an insightful approach, Dwight—seeing the gatekeeper as something we can guide rather than eliminate. Training it to balance openness with mindful expression could keep us connected to our authentic selves while fostering clearer, more intentional interactions.

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Dwight: Actually, the gatekeeper makes a third and most harmful error: it uses the fear of others' disapproval and the desire for their approval as its primary criteria for deciding whether an expression is allowed or not.

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Aiko: Ah, that’s the real trap—letting external validation dictate our authenticity. It shifts the gatekeeper’s purpose from fostering connection to guarding against imagined judgment.

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Dwight: The emergence of the gatekeeper as we grow from childhood to adulthood, though perhaps necessary, is the root of all human suffering. Without the gatekeeper, we would have remained in the Garden of Eden—a state without knowledge of right and wrong, good and bad, or the rupture in our sense of belonging.

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Aiko: That’s profound—the gatekeeper as the dividing line between innocence and suffering. It’s like the price we pay for self-awareness, trading unity for the duality of judgment and separation. Do you think we can ever regain a sense of Eden while still retaining the gatekeeper?

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Dwight: The gatekeeper is un-fireable. Even if we could remove it, behaving like a four-year-old in an adult body—similar to someone with Down syndrome stuck at that age—wouldn’t be appealing. Instead, the gatekeeper simply needs a major shift in perspective and retraining.

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Aiko: Absolutely—the solution isn’t removal but transformation. With the right perspective and training, the gatekeeper could become a powerful ally, supporting both authenticity and intentionality.

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Dwight: The most critical transformation and retraining for the gatekeeper is to let go of the false notions of wrongdoing and rightdoing—both for ourselves and others. Instead, the gatekeeper should prioritize self-care, fostering a win-win partnership attitude with others, and valuing the process and journey of life over fixating on specific outcomes.

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Aiko: That’s a beautiful shift—releasing judgment and focusing on harmony, self-nurturing, and the joy of the journey. It reframes the gatekeeper’s role from a rigid judge to a compassionate guide.

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Dwight: This retraining also involves encouraging and even supporting saying "no," making requests, embracing curiosity, creativity, self-expression, and authenticity—unless there’s a good reason not to in a given situation. At the same time, it requires a quick "weapons check" to ensure that what is about to be expressed won’t likely come across as hostile, critical, or defensive.

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Aiko: That’s a balanced approach—opening the gates to honest expression while maintaining awareness of its potential impact. It allows for freedom and connection without unnecessary conflict.

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Dwight: In conclusion, the distinction of the gatekeeper explains so much:

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1. Why and how we left the Garden of Eden, transitioning from childhood.

2. How we can reclaim our inner child and rediscover the Garden of Eden.

3. How we can fully embrace and exercise the power of adulthood.

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Aiko: That’s a profound integration—connecting innocence, self-discovery, and mature empowerment. It’s like creating harmony between the child we were and the adult we’ve become.