Whenever a conflict occurs between your Now and your Next, ask one or both of these questions:

 

“In this circumstance, how can my Now and my Next both be happy and cooperative?”

 

One way to get at the answer to that question, might be through a sub-question, 

 

“How can my Now enjoy the process of doing what is likely to get the result that my Next wants?”

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Many tools and approach exists for assisting in that: NNI toolkit.

 

Whenever a conflict occurs between your Oneself and your Others:

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Whenever a conflict occurs between my Oneself and my Others, first set the context and then ask a question:

 

The context is: “Your #1 job in life is to take care of yourself, which includes taking care of both your present and your future.”

 

Within this context, ask,

 

“In this circumstance, how could my selfishness and their selfishness dovetail together?”

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Start with mutual respect

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But can your four parts really get on the same page? It may seem like there are always going to be conflicts that are irreconcilable. 

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The answer is “yes,” with a condition.

 

As long as each part does not learn to show respect and consideration for what the other parts want, then you will continue to live at war within yourself. The first, and most essential step to creating integrity is to establish this mutual respect. Operationally, that translates into a mutual willingness and proactive priority of each of your parts to “sit down at the peace/partnership table” to create a win-win solution whenever a conflict occurs. This operational integrity must become your #1 priority in life.

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Many other tools exist for creating alignment between your Oneself and Others: OOI toolkit.

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Remember

 

• Now's important job is to be happy now. 

• Next's important job is to have the future be good.

• Oneself's important job is to serve your own self-expression, self interests, and self care.

• Others' important job is to be concerned for the self interests of others, to look good to others, and to feel like you belong.

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A final fundamental question is, "Am I experiencing any of the following?"

 

• worry

• anxiety

• irritability

• feeling pressured

• feeling exhausted

• feeling frustrated

• feeling stress

• feeling impatient with yourself or others

• defensiveness

• blaming or angry

• lack of confidence

• feeling that something is difficult

• problems in making requests or saying “no”

• issues with maintaining good boundaries with others

• unwilling to share yourself more openly and with vulnerability

• feeling guilty or regretful

• trying to control others

• feeling shy

• feeling lonely

• feeling embarrassed jealousy or envy

 

If you answered any of the above with a "yes," then you are or may be resisting some fear. This is a form of being at war with yourself, another type of being out of integrity. Use the undoing fear process, possibly followed by the other three steps of choosing courage in order to create a deeper level of integrity.

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